You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Bill Maher

Tag: humour environmentalism deepwater-horizon-oil-spill environmental-disaster renewable-energy

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New Rule: If you get to serve me a quarter-head of lettuce with dressing on it, which proves you could have made a salad but chose not to, then I get to pay you with an ATM receipt, which proves I have the money but you're not getting any.

Bill Maher

Tag: humor

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New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

Bill Maher

Tag: humor same-sex-marriage gay-marriage

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I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Bill Maher

Tag: religion

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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

Bill Maher

Tag: humor luck americans

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Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.

Bill Maher

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This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.

Bill Maher

Tag: bp-oil-spill

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New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.

Bill Maher

Tag: humor politics evolution political-humor beauty-contest miss-usa new-rule real-time unqualified

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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Bill Maher

Tag: humor funny internet exes facebook ex

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I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt? -timecode 1:11:10

Bill Maher

Tag: vegetarianism vegan veganism vegetarian

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