Hobbes: What are you doing?
Calvin: Being "cool."
Hobbes: You look more like you're being bored.
Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool.
Hobbes: Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be "cool."
Calvin: A sombrero?! Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros!
Hobbes: What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
Tag: image cool genuineness hip
I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.
Bill WattersonTag: friends
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I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
Bill WattersonTag: humor-food
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Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Tag: humor intelligence calvin hobbes
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Calvin and Hobbes:
Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.
Bill WattersonCALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card.
HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!
CALVIN: It says "Please be my Valentine."
HOBBES: You're Susie's Valentine!
CALVIN: I'm not her Valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the Post Master General know about this?
HOBBES: Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee!
CALVIN: I don't have the KISS her, do I?! Is that what Valentines do??! Oh, gross!
HOBBES: First comes lo-ove, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!
CALVIN: This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her Valentine!
HOBBES: Here she comes! Here comes Susie!
SUSIE: Hi, Calvin.
CALVIN: Get away from me! I'm not your Valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! YECCHH!
SUSIE: That card wasn't for YOU, you Moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope?
CALVIN: "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?!
HOBBES: Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch City, here I come!
Tag: mail calvin hobbes valentine envelope calvin-and-hobbes-bill-watterson smooch susie-derkins
You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.
Tag: humor friendship friends enemies enemies-and-friends
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Bill WattersonQuick! To the Bat-Fax!
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