I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.

Darynda Jones


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No. This has to do with drugs."
My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?"
She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are."
"I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.

Darynda Jones


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Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

Darynda Jones


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Mistakes were made.
Others were blamed.

Darynda Jones


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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Darynda Jones


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Time to make today my bitch.

Darynda Jones


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I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.

Darynda Jones


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I was in a mental asylum? When the fuck did that happen?

Darynda Jones


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I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.”
“Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?”
“Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?”
“Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.”
“So, you’re saying I’m a racist?

Darynda Jones

Tag: humor quotes



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Never trust a man with a penis.

Darynda Jones

Tag: humor humor-inspirational



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