She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

Groucho Marx

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I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Groucho Marx

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

Groucho Marx

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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Groucho Marx

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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Groucho Marx

Tag: naughty

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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

Groucho Marx

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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me."
"What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

Groucho Marx

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Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?"
"Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

Groucho Marx

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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook.

Groucho Marx

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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Groucho Marx

Tag: wordplay

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