Together kabobs make the world better than all the Bobs combined.
Jarod KintzI keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’t bump her head around.
Jarod KintzI am the tomato of grapes. I am the cherry of tomatoes. I am the red fruit of love that goes best in pasta.
Jarod KintzShe had lips like two wavy slices of crisp bacon, and her kisses felt like gravy on my scrambled eggs tongue. We made love like we made breakfast—and then we made brunch like rabbits.
Jarod KintzAdd smoke, not fire. You want to confuse your competition, not kill them.
Jarod KintzThe best part about a superhero’s cape is it doubles as a blanket when your nemesis uses his freeze gun on you.
Jarod KintzI wish my erection pointed inwards. But it doesn’t, it points directly at you.
Jarod KintzI’d dig your grave with a spoon, if the earth were made of green Jell-O.
Jarod KintzStop a drunk driver and you stop a murderer—even if he hasn’t killed anyone yet. In all the alternate universes, the odds are he’s already killed—and will kill again.
Jarod KintzA pen is like a switchblade you can actually write with—and pull off a successful mugging with.
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