I would never say snog. I would say osculate." She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?
Joe DunthorneTag: humour
Seducing Jordana was solid – she's got such high standards – but when I finally got the snogs in it was all worth it."
I transform Jordana's blather into high-level discourse: Lounging in a post-osculatory glow, I knew that all those months of hard chivalry had been worthwhile.
Tag: humour
I tell myself not to feel sexually threatened. I am of no special interest; he could just as easily be angling for the printer.
Joe DunthorneTag: humour pansexuality
Her eyebrows were so blonde they were almost invisible, making it difficult for her to look angry, apologetic or quizzical.
Joe DunthorneProblems are like top trumps. I have a pretty good card: Adulterous Mum. But Jordana's is still better: Tumour Mother.
Joe DunthorneTag: problems
For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed.
Joe DunthorneTag: humour
I spin around on the swivel chair and look up at the ceiling; Oliver being Oliver being Oliver being Oliver. I am suddenly aware of the separation between my-actual-self and myself-as-seen-by-others. Who would win in an arm wrestle? Who is better-looking? Who has the higher IQ?
Joe DunthorneTag: introspective submarine joe-dunthorne
I tell my parents I'm going out for pudding. They think this might be a nickname for heroin.Mum makes the international face for 'is there anything you want to tell me?'
Joe DunthorneTag: submarine
I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?
Joe DunthorneOne more word that may be useful in the heat of passion: dong. Dong sounds like someone very important has just arrived.
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