When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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i busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven WrightWhen I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?
Steven WrightI woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".
Steven WrightI went into a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
Steven WrightLast year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven WrightIf you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven WrightOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven WrightIt's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven WrightTag: humor
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
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