Hermits have no peer pressure.

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
road an hour.

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

Steven Wright

Tag: humor funny



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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

Steven Wright

Tag: dental-hygiene



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They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.

Steven Wright


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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.

Steven Wright

Tag: neurology



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Write from Beyond what you know. From the authority of your senses." -author of Meditations in Green

Steven Wright

Tag: literary-fiction



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