I was momentarily stunned by his odd announcement and told him as much. "Let’s just talk about the fact that you composed a sonnet to my vagina, shall we? You are sending off some major stalker vibes, which is odd because you’re gay. You are gay, right?"
He narrowed his eyes at me and waved his hand in the direction of his 'muse' as he stated, "I don't want any part of that thing. I just want to honor it for being the only known thing in existence to be touched by the dick of a god.
Tag: romance funny quote humor-quotes adult-humor
We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.
Nenia CampbellTag: humor funny sarcasm insults
Don’t be too nice to him,” I teased. “He’ll never leave.
Juliet BlackwellTag: friends kindness funny joking
Am Anfang war Gott? It may have been true, but it was not germane.
Stephen CraigTag: god fiction funny philosophical
I’m not trying to—What do teenagers say nowadays?” he asked my grandmother.“Get all up in her biznez,” Nana said.Without cracking a smile.“That’s right,” he replied. “We’re not trying to get all up in your biznez, Ali.
Gena ShowalterTag: funny grandparents teenage-slang
Are you suggesting I’m working with the
zombies? That I paid them to pretend to
attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his
best undead buddies and stalk me through
my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was
totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.
Tag: paranormal-romance funny sarcasm zombie
You are hereby warned that any movement on your part not explicitly endorsed by verbal authorization on my part may pose a direct physical risk to you, as well as consequential psychological and possibly, depending on your personal belief system, spiritual risks ensuing from your personal reaction to said physical risk. Any movement on your part constitutes an implicit and irrevocable acceptance of such risk," the first MetaCop says. There is a little speaker on his belt, simultaneously translating all of this into Spanish and Japanese.
"Or as we used to say," the other MetaCop says, "freeze, sucker!"
"Under provisions of The Mews at Windsor Heights Code, we are authorized to enforce law, national security concerns, and societal harmony on said territory also. A treaty between The Mews at Windsor Heights and White Columns authorizes us to place you in temporary custody until your status as an Investigatory Focus has been resolved."
"Your ass is busted," the second MetaCop says.
"As your demeanor has been nonaggressive and you carry no visible weapons, we are not authorized to employ heroic measures to ensure your cooperation," the first MetaCop says.
"You stay cool and we'll stay cool," the second MetaCop says.
"However, we are equipped with devices, including but not limited to projectile weapons, which, if used, may pose an extreme and immediate threat to your health and well-being."
"Make one funny move and we'll blow your head off," the second MetaCop says.
She stared down into her coffee, as if she had more to say, but the words had fallen into the mug and were now too soggy to use.
Rachel VincentWhat's wrong with her soul?"
"Nothing. She's just not actually in possession of it.
Tag: funny
So...what are you delivering today -- pizza or death?"
"Both, actually. Pepperoni for you now, and a fatal aneurism to the woman in room 408 in about ten hours.
Tag: funny
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