Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they are.
Julie PowellI persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
Mark TwainTag: children funny killing humorous dark-humor
I need some kind of... like... last minute, poorly-set-up deus ex machina!!
Bryan Lee O'MalleyTag: humorous
Mister Rob Anybody and sundry others?" said one of the figures in a dreadful voice.
"There's naebody here o' that name!" shouted Rob Anybody. "We dinna know anythin'!"
"We have here a list of criminal and civil charges totaling nineteen thousand, seven hundred and sixty-three separate offenses-"
"We wasna there!" yelled Rob Anybody desperately. "Isn't that right, lads?"
"-including more than two thousand cases of Making an Affray, Causing a Public Nuisance, Being Found Drunk, Being Found Very Drunk, Using Offensive Language (taking into account ninety-seven cases of Using Language That Was Probably Offensive If Anyone Else Could Understand It), Committing a Breach of the Peace, Malicious Lingering-"
"It's mistaken identity!" shouted Rob Anybody. "It's no' oour fault! We wuz only standing there an' someone else did it and ran awa'!"
"-Grand Theft, Petty Theft, Burglary, Housebreaking, Loitering with Intent to Commit a Felony-"
"We wuz misunderstood when we was wee bairns!" yelled Rob Anybody. "Ye're only picking on us 'cause we're blue! We always get blamed for everythin'! The polis hate us! We wasna even in the country!
Hello, little girl," he said, which was only his first big mistake. "I'm sure you want to know all about hedgehogs, eh?"
"I did this one last year," said Tiffany.
The man looked closer, and his grin faded. "Oh, yes," he said. "I remember. You asked all those... little questions."
"I would like a question answered today," said Tiffany.
"Provided it's not one about how you get baby hedgehogs," said the man.
"No," said Tiffany patiently. "It's about zoology."
"Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it."
"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite small.
Tag: humorous
I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? " - Tabitha
Sherrilyn KenyonThe nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet. I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl. If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a newspaper, smashing it, and going back to your breakfast.
Sloane CrosleyTag: humorous
I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me.
Tessa DareShe ran out of her marriage the way a woman can run out of a pair of sandals when she decides to let go and really dash.
Stephen KingTag: humorous
You are only limited by your own imagination
Benny BellamacinaTag: humor inspirational humorous
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