What did the zombie say to the whore?
Keep the tip!
Tag: joke zombies vaginal-fantasy
I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do you want to hear another, or have you already had un oeuf?
Jonathan Safran FoerWhat's the difference between Darling Cruel, the wind, and a vacuum? A vacuum only sucks. The wind only blows. But Darling sucks, blows, and swallows.
Sherrilyn Kenyon. . .when the album was done I loved it. It was a mixture of electric and acoustic solo performances with dubs. I called it Le Noise, after Dan. It was a French Canadian joke, a very English was of saying Lanois. I was doing a show that introduced a lot of the songs, and things were going great. I was very happy.
Neil YoungTag: joke daniel-lanois
CUSTOMER: I’m always on night shift at work.
BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you’re buying so many vampire novels?
CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.
Tag: joke vampires customers wierd
It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water.
. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.
Robin BrandeAn Irishman walks into a pub,” she begins and the bar went silent. “The bartender asks him, ‘What'll you have?’” Her Irish accent was spot on. “The man says, ‘Give me three pints of Guinness, please.’ The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
“The bartender says, ‘Sir, no need to order as many at a time. I’ll keep an eye on it and when you get low, I'll bring you a fresh one.’ The man replies, ‘You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, me brothers have three Guinness stouts too, and we're drinking together.’
“The bartender thought this a wonderful tradition and every week the man came in and ordered three beers.” January’s playing and voice became more solemn, dramatic. “But one week, he ordered only two.” The crowd oohed and ahhed. “He slowly drank them,” she continued darkly, “and then ordered two more. The bartender looked at him sadly. ‘Sir, I know your tradition, and, agh, I'd just like to say that I'm sorry for your loss.’
“The man looked on him strangely before it finally dawned on him. ‘Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking.
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy CooperI don’t like seeing you hit.”
“Well, to be quite honest, I don’t like being hit unless it’s by you.” As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized what I had said. “That sounded all sorts of wrong.”
“Insanely so, actually.”
“To be clear,” I said to any overhearing ears, “I hit him back--”
“Hard.”
“It’s a very give-and-take, non-abuse type hitting situation…”
The sides of Liam’s mouth folded up like an accordion. “You should probably stop now.”
“I’m trying. My mouth keeps moving of its own accord.
Tag: love funny wrong joke relationship lovers hitting
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