As I stepped onto the gloomy landing a word formed in my mind: two syllables, starts with a V and rhymes with dire. I froze in place. Nightingale said that everything was true, after a fashion, and that had to include vampires, didn’t it? I doubted they were anything like they were in books and on TV, and one thing was for certain — they absolutely weren’t going to sparkle in the sunlight.

Ben Aaronovitch

Tag: humour funny vampires anti-twilight sparkle



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The newly developed snarky side of my personality wanted to tell him 'There's no crying in vamp battles.

Robyn Jones

Tag: humor vampires



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I remember watching an old Dracula movie once with Alphonse and having him laugh himself sick at the sight of a vamp only a few days out of the grave supposedly raising another one.He'd been impossible for weeks afterwards,mercilessly teasing all the weaker vamps in court about the three-day-old baby that was more powerful than them.

Karen Chance

Tag: vampires jokes



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She wasn't the type. Her idea of exercise was lifting a fork.

Rose Pressey Betancourt

Tag: vampires paranormal contemporary-comedy



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Slicker than snot on a door handle.

Kim Harrison

Tag: magic vampires paranormal witches



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He used to call vampires "the breathing ghosts"- for, as he put it, we existed in a kind of limbo-land between the living and the dead. We breathed, but we were not alive. We flitted through the air, but we still left foot prints on the ground. We were, and are, neither one nor the other, but something else entirely.

Eleanor Keane

Tag: quote vampires paranormal ghosts



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I was between them, and as the tension sparked, I felt like a small rodent trapped between mastodons.

Phillipa Bornikova

Tag: law vampires contemporary detective-mystery



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Doesn't sunlight kill them? Doesn't it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?"
"Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.

Derek Landy

Tag: vampires



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Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

Molly Harper

Tag: vampires contemporary-comedy



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Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'.

Molly Harper

Tag: magic vampires witches shifters contemporary-comedy



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