The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George CarlinWhat if there were no hypothetical questions?
George CarlinIsn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George CarlinWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
George CarlinPeople always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George CarlinI've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50% rate.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor worship irreligion
Life is tough, then you die.
George CarlinNo matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor philosophy
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?
George CarlinStichwörter: abortion
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