My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.

Jarod Kintz


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It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune selling to politicians.

Jarod Kintz


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If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, I’d probably call in sick to work.

Jarod Kintz


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Rhode Island knows, but is Del aware?

Jarod Kintz


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Work hard or don’t work hard, either way your hair will turn gray. I should let you be alone while you die, slowly.

Jarod Kintz


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My motto: I’ll do it today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or not.

Jarod Kintz


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I need money. I suppose I could sell my penis for profit. Or better yet, rent it out so it gets returned to me and I can keep using it to make money and go to the bathroom.

Jarod Kintz


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I am a forward thinker with nostalgia. I dream of the past, and daydream of the future.

Jarod Kintz


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US highways are in such disrepair that instead of repaving, they should just mow the grass that’s sprung up and displaced the concrete.

Jarod Kintz


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You don’t happen to have any happiness, do you? Can I borrow a cup?

Jarod Kintz


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