I've exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.

Erma Bombeck


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In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humorous



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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humorous



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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, "Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor



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When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor



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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: motherhood



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The grass is always greener on the other side.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: erma-bombeck grass-is-greener



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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: talent god heaven afterlife judgement



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It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: bulalo-soup-for-the-sole jew-lariosa



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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: shopping



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