Of the little less than a million eligibles roaming around, 5 percent don't know their sign and don't even care. Another 5 percent are tied to their mothers by a food fixation. That leaves only 20 percent who are searching for a girl who will pick up their clothes, run their baths, burn her fingers shelling their three-minute eggs, run their errands, bear them a child every year, look like a fashion model, tend their needs when they are sick, and hold down a full-time job outside the home to make payments on their boat.

Erma Bombeck


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A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

Erma Bombeck


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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: life guilt



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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humor truth



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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Erma Bombeck


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There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humorous-quotes



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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: humorous-quotes



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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: confidence



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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

Erma Bombeck


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Every puppy should have a boy.

Erma Bombeck

Tags: inspirational-quotes dog dog-quotes



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