You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.

George Carlin

Tags: humor



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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

George Carlin


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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.

George Carlin

Tags: individuality nature individualism heroism hero grass



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I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

George Carlin

Tags: humor



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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin


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I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

George Carlin

Tags: humor



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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

George Carlin

Tags: humor



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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

George Carlin


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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

George Carlin


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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

George Carlin


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