I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho MarxTags: happiness carpe-diem live-in-the-moment self-determination
That's bad luck: three on a midget.
Groucho MarxPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Groucho MarxHollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
Groucho MarxJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
Groucho MarxTags: humor dogs innuendo naughty
Boogey boogey boogey
Groucho MarxTime wounds all heels.
Groucho MarxTags: paraphrased
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Groucho MarxA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho MarxTags: funny simplicity
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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