If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
Jon StewartTo have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
Jon StewartTags: humor
I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.
Jon StewartWhy would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food? --7/14/09 interview with Peter Mancall, author of Fatal Journey
Jon StewartWe've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.
Jon StewartIt's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.
Jon StewartIf everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
Jon StewartTags: media media-corruption rally-to-restore-insanity
If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
Jon StewartTags: truth
Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
Jon StewartWe called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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