I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.
Stephen ColbertI cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
Stephen ColbertTags: colbert
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Stephen ColbertTags: colbert
Take it from me, there's nothing like a job well done. Except the quiet enveloping darkness at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam after a job done any way at all.
Stephen ColbertNASA scientists have discovered a new form of life,
unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Tags: nerds
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.
Stephen ColbertTags: optimism pessimism cynicism
Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
Stephen ColbertIf this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Stephen ColbertTags: religion selfish christian christian-behavior christ poor
Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.
Stephen ColbertTwenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state
that makes people want to flee the Earth?"
- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,
"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005
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