Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.
Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.
Tags: humor politics republicans colbert gop
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
Stephen ColbertTags: humor children funny babies fathers
The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen ColbertIt's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.
Stephen ColbertI hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
Stephen ColbertTags: work
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Stephen ColbertI may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen ColbertUnlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.
Stephen ColbertThink books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!
Stephen ColbertThe [Motion Picture Production Code] took effect on March 31, 1930, 5 months too late to prevent the Wall Street Crash, but early enough to keep The Sixties from happening until approximately 1964. (When America fell victim to the British Invasion).
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