The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven WrightThe other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
Steven WrightTags: humor
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.
Steven WrightTags: humor
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven WrightTags: humor united-states map
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven WrightWhy is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Steven WrightTags: humor
I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
Steven WrightI once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven WrightI got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven WrightMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Steven WrightTags: humor-baby
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