Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
Steven WrightTags: humour suicide bungee-cords
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven WrightTags: humor
If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
Steven WrightYou cant have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven WrightTags: humor
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.
Steven WrightRight now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Steven WrightWhen I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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