If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.

Steven Wright


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Did you sleep well?"
"No, I made a couple of mistakes.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor-sleep



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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.

Steven Wright


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I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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A metaphor is like a simile.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Steven Wright

Tags: humor-buildings



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