London Bridge is in Arizona? When the fuck did this happen? Does London know about this? The queen has got to be pissed

Tara Sivec

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Money can't buy happiness but it can buy chocolate, which is kind of the same thing.

Tara Sivec

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After the epidural was firmly in place, I double checked that we had a waiver on file that states we would own the hospital should my wife become paralyzed. If I was going to feed her mashed peas and wipe her ass until we die, I wanted to be rich.

Tara Sivec

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It's easy fixing other people's problems. It's my own that can suck it.

Tara Sivec

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You spidermanned the one you love.

Tara Sivec

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Uncle Drew is completely inappropriate and one hundred percent of the time, and Aunt Jenny is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Tara Sivec

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Granted, she was obviously one window lick away from riding the short bus, but that knowledge did nothing to ease my mind.

Tara Sivec

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You're probably also wondering how in the hell I can possibly be twenty-five years old when just yesterday I was four. I know, it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm not a foul-mouthed, cute little kid anymore. I'm now a foul-mouthed, cute adult.

Tara Sivec

Tags: tara-sivec love-and-lists

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Love and lists. Just remember, love and lists. Nothing else matters.

Tara Sivec

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Liz rolled her eyes at me and I resisted the urge to reach over the console and punch her in the vagina. Pussy Punch: when a Twat Tap just isn't enough.

Tara Sivec

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