And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing.
Jackie KesslerTags: funny
I only hope, for the sake of the rising male sex generally, that you may be found in as vulnerable and soft-hearted a mood by the first eligible young fellow who appeals to your compassion.
Charles DickensHaven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?' --Lin
If you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed
Tags: humor funny full-metal-alchemist
aren't you, uh... reproducing?
"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.
Tags: funny city-of-bones
That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.
Cassandra ClareTags: family funny forbidden-love
He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren
Brandon MullTags: humor funny centaurs warren burgess patton
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
Erma BombeckShut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.
Eoin ColferTags: funny
It's spider season. Every year, right about now, thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the bowels of hell (or the garden, whichever's nearest) with the sole intention of tormenting humankind.
Charlie BrookerTags: humor fear humour funny dread spiders torment arachnophobia
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper« first previous
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