Why...do you find this...distracting?

Suzanne Collins

Tags: funny action the-hunger-games mockingjay finnick-odair

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I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world...

Whitney G.

Tags: funny sarcasm

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The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.

Mark Twain

Tags: funny fun joke laugh masturbation mark-twain smoke

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You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one,' said Tommy.
'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands,' said Tuppance.
'You have the wrong kind of friends,' said Tommy.

Agatha Christie

Tags: humor friends funny husband faithfulness agatha-christie husband-and-wife-relationship tommy-and-tuppance

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The Princess Bride
S. Morgenstern's
Classic Tale of True Love
and High Adventure

You had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.

William Goldman

Tags: funny admiration authors narrative princess-bride william-goldman high-expectations

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Funny thing- Morgenstern's folk's were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor.

William Goldman

Tags: family funny the-princess-bride william-goldman valerie books-to-reality miracle-max s-morgenstern

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Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!

E.A. Bucchianeri

Tags: humor procrastination humour funny internet alliteration wasting-time social-media social-networking temptations twitter twitter-quotes time-wasting twaddle twitter-addiction

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I am a vicious and unrepentant killer who should be locked up. With him, my idiot boyfriend.

Kylie Scott

Tags: funny cute ros

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It will never belong in a Hallmark card, but I drove a car into a house and killed a man for you. You chained me up for days and I still wanted to come back and talk over our darkly sordid, slightly kinky, and a lot warped relationship. Face it, you're stuck with me.

Kylie Scott

Tags: funny sweet ros

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Ali was a lucky, lucky girl having those two big hot men at her disposal. Not that Roslyn wasn't content with her one surly man, but still...two. Some people were enjoying their apocalypse a little too much.

Kylie Scott

Tags: funny ros

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