I have detected disturbances in the wash.'

'The wash?'

'The space-time wash.'

'Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?'

'Eddies in the space-time continuum.'

'Ah...is he. Is he.'

'What?'

'Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?

Douglas Adams

Tags: humor

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You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

Anne Lamott

Tags: humor truth christianity god spirituality fundamentalism idolatry misattributed-to-anne-lamott

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The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

Jerry Seinfeld

Tags: humor

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The truth is, every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married. I don't know, but until your mom dies it seems like all the other women in your life can never be more than just your mistress.

Chuck Palahniuk

Tags: humor family mother

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Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me."
"Do you mean you want a secretary or something?"
"No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool.

Daphne du Maurier

Tags: humor marriage relationships chapter-6 proposal

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Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.

Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Tags: humor women humour funny fashion hats

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People, generally, suck.

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor

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Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor science

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Where subtlety fails us we must simply make do with cream pies.

David Brin

Tags: humor

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Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor

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