Reality continues to ruin my life.

Bill Watterson

Tags: humor life calvin-and-hobbes



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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor



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And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Tags: humor love morality sex



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They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Eddie Izzard

Tags: humor



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As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?

Bill Bryson

Tags: humor cynicism



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The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain

Tags: humor death



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In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

Graham Chapman

Tags: humor



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Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

Jasper Fforde

Tags: humor peter-rabbit



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Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

Jasper Fforde

Tags: humor insults put-downs



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I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

P.G. Wodehouse

Tags: humor



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