She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?
Daniel MarksTags: humor sarcasm humorous-quotations
Oh my God! You little slut! You want to have a good date with him and want to have ten thousand of his little baseball babies! Cassie!!!
J. SterlingTags: humor humorous-quotations
A bug lies in quiet repose;
when he passed no one knows.
Did he suffer, was he pained?
Before he died, was knowledge gained?
Were all life’s pressures much too great.To put upon so small a weight?
Although not one for pessimism,
I think he died of journalism!
Tags: journalism humorous-quotations
Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.
Chuck PalahniukTags: humor wisdom death death-and-dying television internet humorous wisdom-in-fiction humorous-quotations
God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man. In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker, but he! why, he hath a horse better than the Neapolitan’s, a better bad habit of frowning than the Count Palentine; he is every man in no man. If a throstle sing, he falls straight a-cap’ring. He will fence with his own shadow. If I should marry him, I should marry twenty husbands.
William ShakespeareTags: humorous-quotations ugly-men
Oh- hey, there," he said. He was shorter than me, pudgy with salt-and-pepper hair that always seemed to be in need of a good conditioning. And he always wore sweatpants and T-shirts that had seen more abuse than narcotics. But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I'd suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.
Darynda JonesTags: humorous-quotations
Mr. and Mrs. Lowell are not receiving."
What the hell did that mean? "I'm not throwing a forty-yard pass. I just have a few questions. I think their daughter is in danger.
Tags: humorous-quotations
Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.
Salman AdityaTags: humor inspirational humorous-quotations
The correspondent wondered ingenuously how in the name of all that was sane could there be people who thought it amusing to row a boat. It was not an amusement; it was a diabolical punishment, and even a genius of mental aberrations could never conclude that it was anything but a horror to the muscles and a crime against the back.
Stephen CraneTags: humorous-quotations
If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)
Melissa MercerTags: humor humorous-quotations humorous-quotes
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