Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
John LymanTags: humorous
We all have different languages; but we all really mean the same thing.
C.S. LewisTags: humorous
It was not that he was feckless, more that he had simply not been around the day they handed out feck.
Neil GaimanTags: wordplay humorous feckless
A weapon needs a wielder; it should not be permitted to start its own fights."
"You are not my wielder; you are naught, a forgotten ghost, not even a memory."
"Maybe, but you are still a weapon.
Tags: humorous fantasy-fiction
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.
Chelsea HandlerTags: humor dogs funny comedy humorous comedian
Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.
John SteinbeckTags: humorous
Nancy Herman, my new gym partner and locker neighbor, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Don't worry April. I have foot fungus too.
Amy HolderTags: humorous
Tanner: I think that I might kiss you to keep your lips busy with something other than insulting me.
Ella: If you think you can do it without getting lost.
Tags: romantic humorous smartass cinder-and-ella melissa-lemon
Borman's dumping urine. Urine [in] approximately one minute." Two lines further along, we see Lovell saying, "What a sight to behold!
Mary RoachTags: humorous
My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday."
"Ian," Wesley noted, "that covers the whole week."
Ian nods his head. "Pretty much.
Tags: humorous
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