Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.

Carroll Bryant

Tags: humor people humorous

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Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.

Lloyd Alexander

Tags: humor adventure funny humorous comebacks silly

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-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."

-"It was stupid.

Lloyd Alexander

Tags: humor satire funny comedy witty humorous ironic comebacks sharp comical

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(About sweeping)....
What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: funny humorous irony ironic laughable

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You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor satire funny wit humorous irony comeback witty-quotes

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-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?
-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor satire wit humorous comeback funny-and-random witty-quotes

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(About a cookbook...)
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor satire wit witty humorous comebacks retort funny-and-random

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People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor funny humorous irony ironic

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Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.

Matt Dunn

Tags: funny humorous louis-vuitton

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Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?"
"Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside.

Christopher Moore

Tags: work humorous hard-work physical-labor

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