The best Quotes on Earth!

I do believe in shooting the messenger.
You know why? Because it sends a message.

L.J. Smith

When I get to Heaven I just know I'm going to forget my toothbrush.

I was in a department store and the clerk came up to me and said "do you want to lay on the couch' I said "Where's your clip board?

My bullshit metre is reading that as false'.

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.

I just tripped over a pair of shoes and almost fell down and broke my neck and no I wasn't wearing them.

If you have more cavities than you have teeth you've led a 'Sweet' life.

By the time he was done with the deer it had been dark three hours and his bad leg was singing 'Ave Maria'.

Stephen King

I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death.

[Like they say,] small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Dave Courtney

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