Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear
Annabel MonaghanTags: humorous
God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’
I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’
‘You cold-hearted bastard.’
‘Give me a hot water bottle any day. At least they have some appreciable function. Not like that pathetic pile of overpriced fake fur and anthropomorphic bullshit I locked in the wardrobe.’
‘You have serious teddy bear issues.
Tags: humorous
Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)
Simon EwinsTags: lies funny humorous comedian
Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
Victor J. StengerTags: humor life lies death funny humorous deceit con refund con-men
Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.
Nicole ChristieShock and desire have my nerves tingling like I've been struck by horny lightning.
Nicole ChristieWorse day ever!" I whined to Ellie.
"Oh, worse than the time you got pulled over and the cop said 'papers' and you said 'scissors, I win' and he didn't laugh?
Tags: humorous
I didn't do anything wrong. I swear.'
He grunted. 'Like I've never heard that before. Funny, but I expected a little more originality from Moira's daughter.'
'Yeah, well, the dog ate my notebook with all my good excuses.
Tags: funny excuses quote humorous
I'm going to use them to track him down and thwart him."
"Thwart?" Sarissa asked.
"Thwart." I said. "To prevent someone from accomplishing something by means of visiting gratuitous violence upon his smarmy person."
"I'm pretty sure that isn't the definition," Sarissa said.
"It is today.
Tags: definitions humorous thwart
You have a visitor, my lord."
I frowned, "What?"
"That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you." I stood up, exasperated.
"Why didn't you say so?" Lacuna looked confused. "I did. Just now. You were there." She frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps you have brain damage."
"It would not shock me in the least," I said.
"Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?" she asked.
Someone that short should not be that disturbing.
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