Then he reached to an even higher shelf and brought down another plastic grocery bag, this one from Tesco, which is decidedly less upscale. “Now, a smell is going to hit you when I open this up, but don’t worry,” he said. “It’s just the smoke they used to preserve the head.” That’s a phrase you don’t hear too often, so it took a moment for it to sink in.
David SedarisTags: humour
Behind his careful political flippancy and cynicism one might also detect a certain careless sincerity, which would probably in the long run save him from moderate success, and turn him into one of the brilliant failures of his day.
SakiI swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able to let it out tomorrow
Miguel de Cervantes SaavedraA sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.
Pete SortwellTags: humor humour comedy-humor
Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.
George R.R. MartinTags: truth humour funny hilarious humourous
Sophie did this?" He said, not for the first time. They were standing at the foot of Jessamine's bed. She lay flung upon it, her chest rising and falling slowly like the famous Sleeping Beauty waxwork or Madame du Barry. Her fair hair was scattered on the pillow, and a large, bloody welt ran across her forehead. Each of her wrists was tied to a post of the bed. "Our Sophie?"
Tessa glanced over at Sophie, who was sitting in a chair by the door. Her head was down, and she was staring at her hands. She studiously avoided looking at Tessa or Will. "Yes,"Tessa said, "and do stop repeating it."
" I think i may be in love with you, Sophie," said Will. "Marriage could be on the cards."
Sophie whimpered.
Tags: humour sophie will-herondale tessa-gray
Just looking at him made Andrew feel tense and irritated. It was wonder perfect strangers didn't go up to the guy and punch him in the face.
Jane DavittTags: humour antagonism
Tell me you spotted a condom tree over to the right by the stream of lube.
Jane DavittTags: humour desert-island
A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'!
Kathy GriffinTags: humor success religion atheism humour satire comedy blasphemy
She suddenly realizes that Bob, the probable cancer patient, is standing in the hallway looking lost. She stops and tries to look concerned.
'Will you be okay?' As if I give a fuck.
'Yeah,' he replies forlornly. 'I'll be fine.'
She gives him a quick kiss on the forehead – as sexual as Florence Nightingale on a TB ward – and rushes from the house.
Tags: humour
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