This is the FBI Hostage Negotiations Service. Press one if you wish to surrender. Press two for a getaway car. Press three for a helicopter. Press four for a pizza
Chris DolleyTags: humour
Good choice. You have selected the SUV. Press one for a black SUV. Press two for powder blue. Press three for bright orange with the 'caution: bank robber on board' bumper sticker
Chris DolleyTags: humour
There should be a burnished tablet let into the ground on the spot where some courageous man first ate Stilton cheese, and survived.
G.K. ChestertonTags: humour
...and thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis.
Christopher MooreTags: humour
I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk.
Maurice MossTags: humour
it seems to me that the English aristocracy is not only the type, but is the crown and flower of all actual aristocracies; it has all the oligarchical virtues as well as all the defects. It is casual, it is kind, it is courageous in obvious matters; but it has one great merit that overlaps even these. The great and very obvious merit of the English aristocracy is that nobody could possibly take it seriously.
G.K. ChestertonTags: humour
You do believe it,' he said. 'You do believe everything. We all believe everything, even when we deny everything. The denyers believe. The unbelievers believe. Don't you feel in your heart that these contradictions do not really contradict: that there is a cosmos that contains them all? The soul goes round upon a wheel of stars and all things return; perhaps Strake and I have striven in many shapes, beast against beast and bird against bird, and perhaps we shall strive for ever. But since we seek and need each other, even that eternal hatred is an eternal love. Good and evil go round in a wheel that is one thing and not many. Do you not realize in your heart, do you not believe behind all your beliefs, that there is but one reality and we are its shadows; and that all things are but aspects of one thing: a centre where men melt into Man and Man into God?'
'No,' said Father Brown.
Tags: humour
Does bad luck come in 3's...or is it multiples of 3?
Tara FordTags: humour fiction contemporary chicklit
Heartache makes
for good poetry,
heartburn
not so much.
Tags: love poetry humour heartache heartburn
That Damon Matthews,” Linda spat. “You know, take one letter out of his name and it spells ‘ damn’ as in ‘damn, that kid’s a worthless sonovabitch’.
Kristen AshleyTags: men humour dick damn sassy
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