There was a piece of ornamental water immediately below the parapet, on the other side, into which Mr. James Harthouse had a very strong inclination to pitch Mr. Thomas Gradgrind Junior.

Charles Dickens

Tags: humour funny temper



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Revenge may be wicked, but it’s natural.

William Makepeace Thackeray

Tags: revenge humour



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Maruman does not loll.

Isobelle Carmody

Tags: humor humour absurd funny internet cat accidental coincidence lol lolcat loll post-apocalypse pre-meme



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Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.

George Saunders

Tags: humor truth humour



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Step up to red alert."
Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."
- Rimmer

Rob Grant

Tags: humour science-fiction sf red-dwarf



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Merry Christmas!

Pope John Paul II

Tags: humour religious



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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

Douglas Adams

Tags: perspective humour earth cosmology ape digital galaxy primitive unfashionable watches



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The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off.

A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has its own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It's like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: dogs humour



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Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

Orson Scott Card

Tags: humour funny stupid advent-rising



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What ho!" I said.
"What ho!" said Motty.
"What ho! What ho!"
"What ho! What ho! What ho!"
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

P.G. Wodehouse

Tags: humor humour conversation



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