Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: Frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

Mots clés food killing drink



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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Woody Allen


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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

Woody Allen

Mots clés humor religion physics attributed



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Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.

Woody Allen

Mots clés sex



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I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.

Woody Allen

Mots clés suicide life-and-death time-zones



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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.

Woody Allen

Mots clés absurd



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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny.
I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

Mots clés absurd



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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

Mots clés ethics



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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Woody Allen

Mots clés life



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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen


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