I have a favorite cemetery I go to, because it’s really clean and the doctors and nurses are all very nice.
Jarod KintzBlood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.
Jarod KintzAfter our date, I spent about an hour trying to get in her pants before finally giving up. Her pocket was just too tight.
Jarod KintzAt first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.
Jarod KintzShe told me she might not be there when I get back, and I got so angry I said something stupid. I told her I might not be there when I get back either.
Jarod KintzGuns don’t kill people. Politicians with sharp tongues do.
Jarod KintzI treat women like royalty. But not from a Bolshevik perspective.
Jarod KintzI think the most heavenly food is fluffy white clouds.
Jarod KintzI took some naked pictures the other day. I don’t feel shamed, but I do feel remorse over having to steal the whole camera to get the pictures.
Jarod KintzI’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?
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