I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.
Jarod KintzCriminals should be hung like championship banners—proudly, and in an effort to sell tickets.
Jarod KintzWell excuse me! How was I supposed to know that a pink baseball cap with a dildo glued on top isn’t a “hard hat”?
Jarod KintzTelevision isn’t a substitute for a babysitter, but the microwave is. Mmmm cooked babies!
Jarod KintzI listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.
Jarod KintzI saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?
Jarod KintzIf you say I stole your pillow, that’s simply not the case.
Jarod Kintz-I’m looking for a man—
-There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match that description. Why don’t you try there first?
I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can hold.
Jarod KintzI always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.
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