He flatters me because he knows I am flattered by him flattering me. And that flatters him. So when he flatters me, he is really flattering himself.
Jarod KintzArmadillo? I’d rather arm civilians.
Jarod KintzSelling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.
Jarod KintzYes, fruits and vegetables are healthy. But you want to know why I eat them? Revenge.
Jarod KintzI make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit, and pop it in the oven.
Jarod KintzIs love the cereal or is love the milk? Neither. Love is the spoon.
Jarod KintzAs an atheist hates Christmas, I hate the fourth of July.
Jarod KintzI wasn’t on vacation. I was in the bathroom for an extended length of pee.
Jarod KintzNo more than two to a tricycle, please. When I said family fun, I didn’t mean this is a place to start a family. (Children over 65 eat free.)
Jarod KintzI’d never own a Hooters, because while I may be the face of the franchise, people only ever look at the breasts. Makes me feel like a piece of meat—medium rare, with melted cheese on top.
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