I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W.C. Fields

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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

W.C. Fields

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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

Tag: inspirational humour

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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W.C. Fields

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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

W.C. Fields

Tag: names labels

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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

W.C. Fields

Tag: humor

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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W.C. Fields

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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.

W.C. Fields

Tag: humor

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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

W.C. Fields

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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W.C. Fields

Tag: philosophy drinking non-sequitur

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