I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. FieldsAll things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W.C. FieldsA thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W.C. FieldsTags: inspirational humour
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W.C. FieldsIt ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W.C. FieldsPhiladelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W.C. FieldsTags: humor
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W.C. FieldsAlways carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.
W.C. FieldsTags: humor
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W.C. FieldsIf I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W.C. FieldsTags: philosophy drinking non-sequitur
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