I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.
W.C. FieldsWas I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?
Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W.C. FieldsEverybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W.C. FieldsNever give a sucker an even break.
W.C. FieldsChildren should neither be seen nor heard from – ever again.
W.C. FieldsIf at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
W.C. FieldsThere's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W.C. FieldsOnce, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W.C. FieldsI don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.
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