If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.
Devon SampsonTag: funny intelligent-design
Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.
Cassandra ClareI am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.
Stephen KingYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?
Chris RockTag: humor funny comedy everyday-life observational-comedy
You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself."
Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought...
Tag: humor basketball funny fall high-school falling backflip gymastics tripping wnba
We have all been empowered by the web: everyone with a keyboard can now effectively broadcast to a national audience. In a sense, it puts each of us on the same footing as the major media conglomerates, except for AOL, who now apparently own all our thoughts and teeth.
John HodgmanTag: funny author aol areas-of-my-expertise daily-show john-hodgman
Sheep hurt my father, and through my father, sheep have also hurt me.
Haruki MurakamiTag: funny
One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.
Laurell K. HamiltonTag: funny bad-ass anita-blake
Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.
Rachel VincentTag: funny
Behind me, Marc made a soft whistling sound, clearly impressed. “That’s not standard procedure,” he said, his tone entirely too reasonable as he leaned over the stray’s body to open the back passenger-side door.
“Yeah, well, I’m not your standard enforcer.
Tag: funny
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