I know you're saying something profound, but it's hard to focus when your tits are out.

Christina Lauren

Tag: funny hot max-stella



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They sent the shrink round yesterday. He's put me on Prozac. Prozac! He thinks I'm depressed.'
'Aren't you depressed?'
'I wasn't depressed.'
'You did try to kill yourself,' I pointed out.
'Yes. That's what he said too. Apparently that's a classic symptom. It's not thought a sane plan of action for someone in my situation.

Gavin Extence

Tag: humor funny woods alex gavin extence



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I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.

George Carlin

Tag: humor funny sarcasm



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Oh, shit," said Arthur, covering his face with his hands for a moment and screwing his eyes shut."You've been co-opted.She's got you spying on me already? My God,she's quick.""Oh, shut up and get over yourself!"exclaimed Merlin, indignantly."Not everything's about you,you know, your Royal Hotness. Highness. I said Highness.

FayJay

Tag: funny the-student-prince



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This was Jonan's boat. She had helped Nan Seller dose his entire crew against the annual diarrhea outbreak known as the "winter runs

Sarah Zettel

Tag: humor funny chena diarrhea kingdom-of-cages



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but then again, they
were like baby Einsteins on crack.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

Tag: humor funny origin katy-swartz



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Would I laugh?"
"Matter of fact, you would," says Zeb. "Heart like shale. What you need is a good fracking.

Margaret Atwood

Tag: funny puns pun fracking shale



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Who am I? I’m the Breeze, bitch!

Michael Grant

Tag: light funny payback



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He runs his eye along the row of knives in their racks, the cleavers for splitting bones. He picks one up, looks at its edge, decides it needs sharpening and says, "Do you think I look like a murderer? In your good opinion?"

A silence. After a while, Thurston proffers, "At this moment, master, I would have to say...

Hilary Mantel

Tag: humor murder funny murderers knives



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Analysis is soul of thought and ghost of wit.

Raheel Farooq

Tag: funny thought wit analysis



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