Falco wagged her journal in front of her. "This is yours, I presume." A slow smile spread across his face. "Let's find out exactly what you've been doing, shall we?"
"Give it back!" Cass reached for the journal, but Falco easily dodged her. He opened the leather-bound book to a random page and cleared his throat. Clutching a hand to his chest, he pretended to read aloud in a high-pitched voice. "Oh, how I love the way his fingers explore my soft flesh. The way his eyes see into my very soul."
This time, Cass managed to snatch the book out of his hands. "That is not what it says."
"I guess that means you won't be keeping me warm tonight?

Fiona Paul

Tag: funny cass falco



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It was his wife we objected to. Her name was Leda, but he called her Tip. She was very small and her hair, eyes, and skin, though naturally of different shades, were all muddy. She seldom sat- she perched on things - and liked to cock her head a little to one side. Nora had a theory that once when Edge opened an antique grave, Tip ran out of it,...

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny



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...It's probably polite to pretend you don't see people coming out of pawnshops, anyhow.

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny polite pawn-shop



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...What do you do with all your money?"
"Me and the French hoard gold.

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor money gold funny french hoarding



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Alice opened the door when I rang. She had on green pyjamas and held a hairbrush in one hand. She looked wearily at Quinn and spoke wearily: "Bring it in."
I took it in and spread it on a bed. It mumbled something I could not make out and moved one hand feebly back and forth, but its eyes stayed shut.

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny drunk



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...What do people think about my staying with Harrison with him chasing everything that's hot and hollow?

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny infidelity



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Dorothy asked timidly: "Did his wife say anything?
"She sent her love to you."
Nora said: "Stop being nasty.

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny infidelity



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You know Quinn?" Macaulay asked me.
"Ten minutes ago I was putting him to bed."
Macaulay grinned. "I hope you keep his acquaintance like that - social"
"Meaning what?"
Macaulay's grin became rueful. "He used to be my broker, and his advice led me right up to the poorhouse steps."
"That's sweet," I said. "he's my broker now and I'm following his advice." Macaulay and the girl laughed. I pretended I was laughing and returned to my table.

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor money advice funny broker



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...I guess I can put two and two together."
"Sometimes the answer's four," I said, "and sometimes it's twenty-two...

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny mathematics smartass



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Studsy returned alone. "Maybe I'm wrong," he said as he sat down, "but I think somebody could do something with that cluck if they took hold of her right."
Morelli said: "By the throat."
Studsy grinned good-naturedly. "No. She's trying to get somewhere. She works hard at her singing lessons and -

Dashiell Hammett

Tag: humor funny



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