Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword
Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)
Tag: humor funny tea lemony-snicket series-of-unfortunate-events
May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.
Roman PayneTag: humor men women humour funny living dying widows roman payne
Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.
Russell BrandTag: humor church funny comedy robots
The funniest people are the saddest ones
ConfuciusI’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it
Terry LanderTag: life poetry inspiration humour funny aspiration comedy
I wish my nose would blow me for once.
Brian CelioThere are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You'll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there's a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one long, obscure word into each story. This makes the reader think that the man is very wise and clever. So I have the machine do the same thing. There'll be a whole stack of long words stored away just for this purpose."
Where?"
In the 'word-memory' section," he said, epexegetically.
Tag: humor humour funny comedy
One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from when they were all bloody witches and got stoned or burned or drowned for it, eh lad? Never tell your mother I said that, by the way.
Sarah HallTag: funny
That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple.
Sarah HallTag: funny
Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.]
'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?'
'No. Answers. There's a difference-'
'Really? How? What difference?'
'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.'
'Right, and answers?'
'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing!
Tag: humor philosophy funny wordplay answers explanations drunk priest banaschar hellian malazan-book-of-the-fallen sergeant the-bonehunters
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