Emergency dance party--go away.

Rainbow Rowell

Tag: humor



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She needed to say something sexy and romantic with a mere hint of her vast intelligence. Something that would entice him into bed.

But what came out was, "I wanna fuck."

-Miki Kendrick

Shelly Laurenston

Tag: humor



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Then it sounds to me like you love her. And if you love her, then tell her she belongs to you and she needs to get over it. Show her who's in charge. That's what I did with Sara."

Zach seemed less than pleased when they all laughed so hard Conall actually fell off the bed.

Shelly Laurenston

Tag: humor



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The Death Mist is not for helping!" Akhlys shrieked. "It shrouds mortals in misery as their souls pass into the Underworld. It is the very breath of Tartarus, of death, of despair!"
"Awesome," Percy said. "Could we get two orders of that to go?

Rick Riordan

Tag: humor sarcasm percy-jackson



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The way Leo figured it, he spent more time crashing than he did flying. If there was a rewards card for frequent crashers, he'd be, like, double platinum level.

Rick Riordan

Tag: humor leo-valdez



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There is a point in every philosophy at which the "conviction" of the philosopher appears on the scene; or, to put it in the words of an ancient mystery: adventavit asinus, / pulcher et fortissimus. (Translation: The ass arrives, beautiful and most brave.)

Friedrich Nietzsche

Tag: humor hidden-meaning



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It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire was French and therefore knew nothing about hygiene or shower gel.

Mark Forsyth

Tag: humor french baudelaire sarcasm-humor the-horologicon



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Don't expect me to tell you apart," Reagan said when this became a routine.
"I have short hair," Wren said. "and she wears glasses."
"Stop," Reagan groaned, "don't make me look at you. It's like The Shining in here.

Rainbow Rowell

Tag: humor



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I, for one, am a CNN junkie. I’m convinced it stands for Chris Needs News.

Chris Colfer

Tag: humor news



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If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell

Carl Sandburg

Tag: humor



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