Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

Bill Watterson

Tag: humor



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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Robert Bloch

Tag: humor



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No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.

George S. Patton Jr.

Tag: humor



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Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: humor murder eternity sin understanding mystery redemption deity deliverance doctrine holy-religions penalty sinners



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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Steven Wright

Tag: humor



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